真正攞命


• 《真正攞命》(凡六)Lorn of life (six parts)
招子庸作,金文泰譯

1. 將我品性,想吓生平,對住皇天我要問佢一聲。做乜佢風中弱絮飛無定,做乜我水上殘花又洗不清。人在風月場中尋出樂境,做乜我在烟花叢裡築起愁城。好似小青照不出前生影,就把彌天幽怨一力擔承。實在無藥可醫心裏病。誰肯做証?我自招還自認。係唎攞人條命都係箇一點癡情。
With every faculty I reflect upon the ways of life.
As I face the royal heavens, I must ask them a question:
‘Why does my lover sway fitfully, like a weak willow catkin in the wind?
‘Why am I, a bruised flower on the water’s surface, washed yet not pure?
‘Since men seek amid domains of moon and wind for the happy land,
‘Why then do I, in this cluster of vapour and of flowers, build me up Sorrow Town?’
Thus am I ever as Siu Tsheng, who, since she saw not in her mirror the shadow of her former life,
Therefore made secret complaint to the vast heavens, asking their aid in her support.
Verily no medicine can heal disease within the heart.
Who will be my witness?
I myself confess my malady; then I myself take knowledge thereof.
Yes, the murderer of man’s life is his own insensate passion.
2. 真正攞命,却被情牽,一緘春恨唔知向乜誰言。雖乃係綠柳多情牽緊弱線,總係章臺春老望絕寒烟。縱有才人賞識我的春風面,皆因同病故此相憐。你話淪落在呢處風塵誰不厭?總係殘紅飛不出奈何天。敢就飄零一樣好似離巢燕。唉!風又亂扇,失路在林間剪,敢就一生埋沒塟在花田。
Truly I am lorn of life; in very deed I have suffered passion’s impulse.
I know not to whom I should tell my tale of spring regret.
Although the green willow’s bent be to draw upward the weak tendrils,
Yet mostly in Chong-thoi, when spring grows old, there is despair and chill poverty.
If there be wise men who praise our spring-wind faces,
All such have sympathy with us, because afflicted with disease like ours.
Who, say you, does not resent his fall to ruin in this place of wind and dust?
Mostly the bruised red blossom cannot flutter from beneath the inexorable sky;
Therefore it drifts desolate, as a swallow that has left her nest.
Ah! The wind is a wild fan.
I have lost my way and cut me a path through the jungle.
So all my life is a grave, entombed in a field of flowers.
3. 真正攞命,却被情拏,共你海誓山盟箇一念差。回頭好夢都如畫,好似水中明月鏡中花。我梅魂虛把東風嫁,到底孤負多情萼綠華。累我不定心旌難以放下,料應條命死在君家。人前我亦未敢分明話。唉!君你偷偷想吓,底事真和假?我望你早乘秋水泛月中楂。
Truly I am lorn of life; in very deed I have suffered passion’s grip.
That with you I swore to the ocean and made oath to the mountain, herein was my mind’s error.
When the face turns backwards, a good dream seems but a picture,
Like to the bright moon on the water, or to the flower in the mirror.
Thought-pure as the plum-blossom, vainly have I wedded the east wind.
At the last my exceeding love is flouted, even as that of Ngok Luk-wa.
My hurt makes it the less easy for me to haul down my heart’s fluttering pennon.
Meseems I should have died in your home, my lord.
In men’s presence I dare not yet frankly speak my mind.
Ah! Lord, ponder secretly hereon;
Were our oaths true or false?
My hope is you will soon embark upon the raft which at autumn-tides moors in the moon.
4. 真正攞命,却被情招。虧我浮萍無定,係咁浪飄摇。君你青衫濕後,我就知音渺。縱有新詞,羞唱到《念奴嬌》。恨只恨楊柳岸邊風月易曉。你話何曾夜夜是元宵?月落烏啼人悄悄,真正雲散風流好似落潮。共你相思欲了唔知何时了?唉!心共照。苦把皇天叫。天呀,做乜箇一箇纒綿,就向箇一箇寂寥。
Truly I am lorn of life; in very deed I have suffered passion’s beckoning.
I am spurned to and fro like duckweed; thus it is that the waves tumble and toss me.
My lord, after your green garb was wet, then my sweetheart vanished.
Even had I a new song, I should blush to sing of Nim No the Beautiful.
I grieve, I do but grieve, that by the willow banks the transience of wind and moon is understood so easily.
Where, say you, has the full moon of the first month been a nightly visitant?
The moon sinks, the crow caws, men are full of care.
Truly the clouds scatter; joyance is like an ebbing tide.
Fain would I end my love for thee, but I know not when will be its ending.
Aye! Our hearts lok one into the other.
Bitterly I invoke the royal heavens.
Heaven! Why are these linked to those and then reft from them at the last?
5. 真正攞命,却被情魔。共你私情太重,都係錯在當初。今日芙蓉江上無人過,我玉鏡凴誰畫翠娥?呢回殘燈斜月愁無那,縱有睡魔迷不住我帶淚秋波。敢就雨暗巫山春夢破,好似鷓鴣啼切,苦叫哥哥。你一擔相思交俾過我。唉,真正恨錯!天呀,你亦該憐憫我地兩箇,做乜露水姻缘,偏會受此折磨?
Truly I am lorn of life; in very deed I have suffered passion’s frenzy.
The giant growth of my hidden love for you was wrong in its first beginning.
To-day no one passes over the lotus river.
On whom will my jade-mirror rely to paint my eyebrows with aniline?
Now the lamp is broken; the moon is waning; my sorrow knows no respite.
Even were there a sleep spirit, he could not charm away the tears that suffuse my autumn-glancing eyes.
So rain veils the Witches’ Mountain. My spring dream is destroyed.
Like the partridge, I cry, cry in rapid complaint.
You have handed over to me the burden of your love-thoughts.
Ah! Truly regret is wrong.
Heaven! Thou shouldst have pity on us both.
Why need the doom of a marriage span, brief as dew, force on us fate’s snapping and grinding?
6. 真正攞命,卻被情傷,做乜知心人去話偏長。話起別離兩字我就三魂蕩。第一傷心還在過後思量。今日秋水蒹葭勞妹盼望。所謂伊人在水一方。點得再會共哥有期你心有異向。等我生為蝴蝶死作鴛鴦。或者在地在天消此糵 賬。唉!心欲喪。不能無此想,你睇海天無際,只剩一寸柔腸。
Truly I am lorn of life; in very deed I have suffered passion’s wound.
Why, when my sweetheart is gone, do my words perforce grow garrulous?
When I say the two words – ‘Depart! Farewell!” – my three souls are dissolved;
Yet ever the sorest heart-would is afterthought.
To-day the autumn waters and the tall rushes move your maid to wistfulness.
The man for whom I yearn is afar on the high seas.
Would that, when again I meet you, that day might wean your heart from turning elsewhere!
Then we, though butterflies in life, would in death be as a brace of teal.
Maybe on earth or in heaven I shall cancel this debt of sin.
Ah! My heart is lost in yearning.
I cannot forgo this desire.
Look you! Sea and sky are illimitable; but an inch-space cabins my poor heart.

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